Would you like to improve your business relationships? How about meeting someone you’re romantically interested in? Well, if you would like to get people to like you better and faster, then today’s article can help you do exactly that.
Using NLP to Build Rapport
Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP can be used to help you get people to like you. NLP can help anyone who wants to begin a relationship or enhance one without any type of manipulation. It does this by teaching you how to develop genuine rapport.
Rapport is the ability to bond with another person as you would with a friend. When you are in rapport, you have a sense that you like and trust the other person, and they like and trust you. Knowing how to develop good rapport is important because it helps to create meaningful, close, and harmonious relationships.
Making First Impressions
How long do you have to make a first impression? An Inc. Magazine article based on a study commissioned by Dollar Shave Club, says you have about 27 seconds. While there are conflicting results for different studies, what this generally means is when it comes to making a good first impression, it’s something you want to be able to do almost instantly.
Good rapport is your best chance to get people to like you quickly because it puts the other person at ease. Now, instead of seeing you as a threat, which is how your reptilian brain can react, the other person feels comfortable with you. They see you as a person they’d like to hang out with and get to know better.
Let’s look at some simple ways that you can make the most of your first 27 seconds when meeting someone new.
A Simple, Sincere Rapport Building Technique
One of the simplest ways to develop rapport, at least here in North America, isn’t even an NLP technique. In fact, the easiest way to get people to like you is something you should practice all the time. A great way to improve your chances of building rapport quickly is simply to smile!
While most babies and kids smile a lot, it is amazing how few people actually smile or look even remotely happy when we meet them. Here they are alive and healthy on the most interesting planet in the universe and all they can do is look grumpy and frown. The simple act of smiling sets you apart from the crowd and makes it a lot easier to get people to like you.
Not only does smiling improve your ability to gain good rapport, but studies have also found that when you stand up straight and smile, you cannot feel down and depressed. In other words, smiling makes you feel good. You just can’t feel bad when you’re smiling!
If you don’t believe me, try smiling and feeling bad. I’m sure you’ll find that it’s impossible to do.
Like you read above, when you smile, the other person’s lizard brain doesn’t view you as a threat. If the other person feels comfortable with you, they will warm up to you much faster.
This is the power of smiling!
Now let’s look at how you can use NLP to get people to like you.
Building Rapport with NLP
NLP uses representation systems to build rapport. Simply by understanding the representational system or processing style of the other person, you can gain rapport by using their special language to communicate with them.
Representation systems are how people process information. The three primary representational systems people use to process information are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. People also use olfactory (smell) and gustatory (taste) representational systems, but for our purposes, we’ll include these with the kinesthetic representational system.
Here’s how you can use a person’s representational system to communicate better with them. Let’s say there are three people who just finished watching a play. One is visual, one is auditory, and one is kinesthetic.
As you talk to the person that primarily processes information using the visual representational system, they might talk about the scenery or the building structure. They might talk about the actor’s appearance or the costumes they wore.
As they speak to you, they will describe what they saw using words like, “saw, image, picture,” words that describe things using their vision. These people learn primarily by watching. As they recall data, they visualize it in pictures and use these images to process that data.
For you to build rapport with them you would first notice that they use these types of words. Then you would engage them with similar words, such as “I see what you mean,’ or “That’s a very graphic image you’re describing,” words that let them know you see what they see.
As you talk to the person that primarily process information using the auditory representational system, they might comment on the actor’s voice. They might talk about how great the orchestra’s sound seemed or the how the room’s acoustics enhanced the sound.
When describing the play to you these people will use words like, “heard, sound, tone,” and other words that describe what they heard. These people primarily process information by hearing or listening.
If you want to get these people to like you better, use phases similar to theirs, such as, “I hear what you mean,” or “That’s sounds right to me,” words that let them know you are in tune with them.
Someone who primarily processes information kinesthetically might talk about how big the room felt. They might talk about how the smell of a woman’s perfume in the seat in front of them languished in the air. They might complain about how uncomfortable their seat was.
When describing the play, they might use words like, “felt, experience, touched,” and other words that describe something they felt. These people primarily process information though touch or their sense of feel and learn best by touching and by using. If you ask these people to describe themselves, they will often say they are “hands on” people.
To gain rapport with a primarily kinesthetic person you would reflect similar words back to them such as, “I feel like that too,” or “That really touched you, didn’t it?” words that let them know you are in touch with them.
You Can Use NLP to Get People to Like You Better
As you have found, one of the simplest ways to get people to like you better is tapping into and reflecting their representational system. By really listening to the other person, you can synch in with their language patterns. This gives them the sense that you are like them, and that you truly understand them, and in fact, you do.
By spending the time and energy to figure out their representational system, you have begun the process of really understanding them. People like people who take the time to know and understand them. This is how to build real rapport and get people to like you genuinely.